Tony Abbott Would Never Sell his Arse! Would he?


The Bard himself might say that Abbott’s arse
Was a worthy subject for a sonnet.
Why then is it the butt of ribald farce
With so much media commentary on it?
It’s muscular and trim and very taut
From long exercise on surfboard and bike.
But his tongue has been looser than it ought
And been recorded by a hidden mike.
When challenged in the Chamber to his face,
With carbon tax promise he can’t deny,
He blusters,  is called ‘a national disgrace!’
And his other words,  why say they’re a lie? 
We know he wouldn’t sell his arse,  okay?
But, offered the chance to be PM, he’d give it any day.

(PS Another version came to mind 05/10/12 – unedited so far and unposted elsewhere.)

Who’d have thought it would come to pass
That Labor’s fortunes turned on Abbott’s arse?
Seems he said he’d be prepared to sell it!
Desperate words from a religious zealot.
I thought he’d already sold his soul
Desperately grasping for his life’s goal.
So this latest for him was no worse than a lie
He could later confess to, or even deny.
Or he could shrug it off as leftie spin.
Anyway is it really a mortal sin?
It’s leniently dealt with by Cardinal Pell
So there’s not much chance he’ll go to hell
Which really is a pity, you know, because
We’d rather that fate for him, than Oz.
What else has he done what infernal fires
He risks. Or strike him dumb! Anything! So long as he retires!

NOTES:   A lot has happened in Canberra since Tony Windsor blew his stack and held the nation spellbound while he told Tony Abbott some home truths about his hypocrisy over the the so called carbon tax lie.  That was less than two weeks ago and much that was written about what he said, what he meant and Tony Abbott’s response to him has already been obscured.   The comment Abbott made to Windsor about being willing to do anything but sell his arse to gain government has been the subject of many posts on blogsites, now superceded by other issues.   My immediate response to Miglo at Cafe Whispers  was that Abbott would never sell his arse,  but he’d probably give it!   Oddly no one took me up on that there because it seemed the political drama and debate had moved on.  That particular post is already archived.    Wanting to keep fresh for myself the impact of Tony Windsor’s speech I’m posting other responses to it here rather than writing my usual explanatory notes. Following my ‘sonnet’ are a ‘lullaby’ and a ‘ballad’ which I think do a pretty good job of enlarging on and explaining the context of the pome.

Talk Turkey,   over  at the Political Sword,   very quickly came up with this lullaby, a parody of  that well known carol, Away In A Manger.   It attracted lots of comment.

Away in the Chamber, no key to the Lodge
Poor dumb Tony Abbortt was trying to dodge,
But there Tony Windsor had him right in his sights,
And the things that he said had the creep dead to rights!

Tony Windsor didn’t hold back, his demeanour was grim,
As he vented on Tony Abbortt, he pointed straight at him:
An absolute disgrace he said, you make this place a farce,
And to get the top job you said you might even sell your arse!

The Government was laughing, It’s not true said Tone
But our dear Tony Windsor grinned and pointed to his phone. . ! . .
We adore you Tony Windsor, what a joy you have been,
And we hope you’re re-elected in 2013!

Lyn, our doyenne of internet linkers, then put us in touch with George Bludger who had produced this response to Tony Windsor’s straight talking.

Truth Seeker,  a talented new rhymester at TPS, has given us a chronicle of what happened on that historic day, after the suspension of standing orders! 

The Ballad of Abbottsarsegate.

With the winter break over and the parliament resumed
And the Houston report taken up,
And the “Right”.. claiming a victory, while the greens loudly fumed
Stating the country’s just been sold a pup
And the heat taken out of the Abbott’s pollution
The rubbish he’s stated as fact
By the report knocking holes in the Pacific solution
And an economy the western world’s backed
And being wedged in a hole… he resorts to the lies
That have served him so well in the past
So with bravado aplenty he summons the guys
To give our Prime minister a blast

And with nought else to jump on and ramp up the lies
He runs back to the old tried and true
With his eyes on the prize and his head full of flies
He dives headlong…. straight into the poo
Calling for an apology from our illustrious Prime Minister
For the damage her “Big Tax” has wrought
And for the freedom required to argue his case
A suspension of standing orders.. was sought
A tactic he’s used almost each sitting day
To control and divert the debate
For his policy vacuum and lack of ideas
Has found him seriously lacking of late

So the motion was outlined and seconded by Pyne
Who went off with his usual crap
But the deputy speaker pointed out the drawn line
And gave.. the bad poodle.. a slap
Then Combet stepped up to decry Abbotts spin
Saying “this policy,.. for the future.. is right.”
So the poodle jumped up… set to put the boot in
But the speaker was up to the fight
Then with the speakers OK Windsor joins in the fray
His intent, clearly not to sing carols
And his anger this day.. bubbled up… all the way
As he took aim and fired both barrels

“There’s been lots of discussion of history today
About a comment the Prime Minister said
But the truth is the Prime Minister didn’t win,… let me say
We got a hung parliament… instead.
As the Leader of the Opposition would know very well
The PM and her deputy too
That a carbon price or ETS was a part of the sell
Of the deal…..  or it wouldn’t go through
The leader of the opposition knows that very well
As he actually begged for the job
But conclusion was reached his integrity was breached
And only lies.. dribble out of his.. gob.”

“ ‘I’ll do anything, Tony, to get hold of this job,
the only thing I wouldn’t do.. is sell my arse.’
Was the only clear codicil he placed on his plea
But we knew that his honesty was sparse.”
Then the poodle jumped up….outrage etched on his face
With his dummy primed,…. ready to spit
But the speaker thought “Parliament, not Crufts, is the case”
So she told the bad poodle to “SIT”
Windsor said.. “He’d do anything  to garner a win
That he wasn’t asked.. shows the good judgment.. I’m living!”
“I am proud” Windsor said “to debate what we’ve done.”
“So support for this motion I’m giving”

“Doing something about climate change. I’m proud to support
And by history we all will be judged
Like this man who’d do anything to get the top job
With the truth that he is seen to have fudged.
And this opposition leader ..would’ve legislated thus
if he had just been given the nod
You’re a disgrace.. as you have the same targets as us
By a more.. expensive method.. you clod.”
So with the vote finally called and the “No’s” winning out
And the ‘question time’.. over and done
And the Abbott sent out with his.. spoiled brat.. pout
Understanding his days race was run

And from then on… his days got considerably worse
As his lies and his slogans abound
With his brain fart propensities.. still recorded in verse
To prove.. that his thinking’s.. not sound
And our Julia Gillard’s proved more than his match
Looking stronger and more confident each day
And to lose… the unlosable… election
Is the price that the fibberals will pay
For the Abbott man is vacuous… and policy free
And dishonesty… is his main part
Accentuated each time his mouth’s…running free
And his disconnected brain… begins to fart

So with credibility shot and popularity in decline
And a platform that no one can know
And our government stable.. and the economy fine
We’ll all sit back and enjoy the show
As the media.. dragged kicking and screaming.. join in
and with great expectation we wait
For the next thrilling instalment of the saga of spin
Known affectionately.. as Abbotts.. arsegate.


Catching up, 26/08/12, The Ballad of Abbottsarse Catches the moment perfectly. All are good.

Sue, 27/08/12, Just love them all. I wonder what it would take for Tony Windsor to out Abbott?

gravel, 27/08/12, Patricia This is just great, you have done yourself and the others a great service, well done.

foreverjanice 27/02/13, Fantastic, Patricia. I too wish Windsor and Oakeshott would reveal what they have recorded.


About patriciawa
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