Tony Abbott’s Body Armor.

Fearing some femme fatale might charm him
And media scandal somehow harm him,
Tony Abbott’s taking care to show,
Pre-emptively, the answer will be “No!”

Unnamed sources in the Coalition,
Already fear he risks his soul’s perdition.
He’s not been home for a month or so.
Why that is, no one really seems to know.

Canberra is rife with rumor!
The L.O.T.O. is in a dark, black humor.
Has his spouse told him he has to go?
Is she sick of hearing him say “No!”

Does he so badly want a new election
He’s avoiding every chance of an erection,
Forgotten that his home is not the House, and so
Even there his answer automatically is “No!”

He can’t be having an affaire!
Cameras follow him everywhere.
Every inch of film would surely show
Female advances are always met with “No!”

But does he have the time or need for sex?
He can get his kicks with a muscle flex,
So opportunities for the Manly member to show
Inevitably are responded to with “No!”

So why he needs this suit is anybody’s guess.
Maybe, so rarely in his life has he said “ Yes”
He’ll wear it facing fires in hell where he is sure to go.
‘Cos when asked if he repents his sins he’s bound to answer “NO!”

Hostile Encounter

NOTES It was seeing this spoof of Tony Abbott dressed up in a bomb disposal suit on his recent trip to visit Australian troops at Tarin Kowt in Afghanistan which inspired me to adapt an earlier pome. With his usual zest for photo ops he’d tried to persuade officers to embed him in some front line action, arguing that politicians are as disposable as war correspondents who are allowed in to report behind enemy lines. The best he got for this stunt was taking part in the defusing of a mock roadside bomb, drawing laughs from assembled troops when he sprinted clumsily down the road in his body armor. Which was nothing to the fun that cartoonists, commentators and bloggers have had since these pictures were published.

PS   I updated this on 30/01/12 to meet a deliciously speculative article about Tony Abbott having an affaire at


Gravel, 17/11/11 Patricia, may I say, you are a classic, that is absolutely brilliant, and the second photo is just so funny. Thank you.

archiearchive FCD,        30/01/12,     Oh thank you, Patricia. That is wonderful!


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