You know I never used to swear
As a girl I’d never dare!
Some boys I knew would say things like suck!
And use other words like luck and stuck.
At college I had to work and study
So I remained a fuddy duddy.
Once married I loosened up a bit.
When wiping up vomit and baby spit.
My son, though tough, was quite a hugger,
And my little girl was a heart string tugger.
So I never had real cause to curse
And use bad words like damn and worse.
But now I’m old and have become a poet
I’m often lost for words. Wouldn’t you know it!
Even a simple word like poem,
Has one rhyme only – jereboam!
So I’ve decided that I’ll call mine ‘pomes’
Which has rhymes galore, like foams and gnomes.
But I like to write about politics
Which suggests republics and catholics.
And that makes me think of a certain prick
Who I’d like to kick,.. give the flick,.. who makes me sick,.. he’s such a dick!
Well, you can see it’s easy to get the habit
Of swearing about that rotten Mr. Rabbit.
So now I often use swear words like shit
After all he’s always using it.
Still I prefer to use it as an adjective
Describing him, not as a derivative.
So there you are. These days I often swear.
There are opportunities everywhere.
I dream each night some lurking mugger
Will jump out and grab that bugger.
Or that protesters will run amok
And shout and scream at him to “Fuck….
No need to reach up to my book shelf
For any rhyming dictionary.
I’ve become a missionary
For freedom of speech.
Everywhere I go I preach
Our right to use any dirty word, e.g. ‘coition’ –
That’s ‘fucking,’ not misprint for Coalition.
I’ll keep doing that while it’s still lawful.
To think that one day soon it might not be… is bloody awful.
NOTE: This was inspired by the recent announcement by the conservative Victorian State government of the imminent introduction through State Parliament of on the spot fines for swearing. If you are deemed by an officer of the Victorian Police to have sworn in an indecent, offensive or threatening manner, you will be made to contribute $240 to the state’s coffers
D Mick Weir, 09/06/11, Well done Patricia WA
Min, 09/06/11, Patricia, you are brilliant. You make it look so easy. Only one other person that I can think of who could compete, being Migs of course
Gravel, 10/06/11, Oh I have had a great belly laugh at this pome, and if you hadn’t prefaced this with a bit of your history I would have got a shock reading it, as none of your writing would suggest you would know some of those words. I think as we have got a bit older we are losing some of inhibitions that we as women have grown up with. Oh and congratulations, I came straight here from your link, now you just have to let us know you have just written another great pome and we can skip across here.
Cheryl, 12/06/11, Whale oil beef hooked; this is marvellous Patricia. At last I approve of your use of the pretentious word “pomes”.